Imagine not having to ‘try’ at life?” ~ Adamus Saint Germain

Wow. I haven’t blogged here for a few months. I know. I haven’t tried. No shoulds, musts or goals. As my friend Adamus Saint Germain likes to say “Goals suck!” Wise angel.

When I first created this website and blog, I didn’t want the discipline or commitment of writing daily, weekly or monthly. Only when inspired. You see I’m a recovering Capricorn. A recovering perfectionist who use to get “straight A’s ” in school, always met and surpassed sales goals at work and got the dust bunnies to do a disappearing act at the drop of a hat with company coming.  I thought, like many, that by controlling and maintaining outside reality and the illusion of perfection, all would be well – and happy.  The key to the universe. Not!

Fifty some years later this lifetime I’m finally realizing that all IS well whether I do another damned thing or not…. That energy will continue to serve me when I get out of the way and out of my mind.  That life and living CAN be easy and way more fun when you take your hands off the steering wheel and stop the backseat driving.

If you’re wondering WTF I’m going with this, stay with me…

My last blog was about doing renos on my home.  I felt guided to start without the money to do it but just took it one room at a time. I had also previously committed to go to an  important  consciousness workshop in Kauai in March again based on guidance not my bank account “reality”  None of this really made any sense in the  fiscal “cents”. All very spirit driven just one choice at a time.

My mind was telling me that when I returned from Kauai, I better get busy and get the house back on the market for spring. I’d better make it perfect and finish those painting touch ups. Get the yard cleaned up.Get new photos. Get a new realtor. Figure it out. Plan. Process. Proceed.

In the meantime I thoroughly enjoyed myself in Kauai with the friends, the food, the beauty and the inspiring seminar with Crimson Circle. I was living and breathing in the essence of Me!

Shortly after returning, I had a phone message. A couple who had viewed my home in the fall (sans renos!) were coming out from Calgary and wanted to know if the house was still for sale. They came, they saw and they offered to buy. All within a couple of weeks. No realtors. No complicated contracts or commissions.  No drama. Easy!

Just last week the deal closed and my son and I will remain living here, enJOYING  life in the Okanagan until the end of summer – rent free, no debt, abundance all around. I’m amazed right now at all the friends who ask “Where are you going? What will you do?” I know that I will continue to breathe, choose life, trust in my Self  and allow the NEXT to unfold with ease and grace. New adventures await!

All IS Well!  :-D

 

 

“You can’t take your old baggage with you into the New Consciousness!”

~ Jim Self, Mastering Alchemy

Well it’s 2012 and my first post for the year as I come up for air… You see I’ve been literally down “the rabbit hole” of home renovations for the last two months. I woke up January 1st inspired and energetic to do a “clean sweep” of my home and it morphed into painting every room, new flooring and definitely my life with  new  ”aha’s” !

So time to take a deep breath, turn a fresh page for March and share what insights I’ve gained from this experience…. 

Number one would be embracing and diving into the resistance I had to “doing the work”! As some of you know, I have been wanting to sell my home since my husband’s passing more than 3 years ago. It’s an 18 year old home and like everything needed some updates. Quite frankly I would have preferred someone else do the work! My husband was a true handyman and could build/fix anything. I didn’t think I was capable and you know what I’ve learned? I AM strong and powerful  (and Hardward store staff rock)! There is always good guidance available. Just ask!

As well there is tremendous stuck energy in the dance of avoidance. Just do it. Like eating an elephant, I took one room at a time. All I could mentally/physically manage and that worked. Small baby steps and you will be finished sooner than you think with that daunting project! This is the essence of life coaching. You are one step away from living the life you dream. What small step can you take today to get started?

Now I’m also a recovering Capricorn  who hates chaos so I allowed “ordered”  chaos room by room as long as I had one room that had some semblance of order to make me feel sane. I often had to breathe through the mess knowing this too shall pass as I stepped on carpet  tack strips in the night!  You have to have chaos first for reordering and  allowing new beauty in your life.

Of course the other metaphor here has been literally cleaning the cobwebs of my life, letting go, throwing out the past! As I scrubbed each wall for painting, vacuumed the copious spiderwebs that festoon my high ceilings, I had to go into nooks and crannies that haven’t been visited in a long while. Poking, scraping, cleaning old layers of dirt and sponge painting (Just say “No” to wallpaper!) Kind of like our dark aspects that don’t want to be brought to the light! The process can feel yucky and mucky but so fulfilling creating  clear new space. Space to breathe and create again!

And carpet? Talk about sweeping the dirt under!  Ahem, I could have grown a small garden on what lay beneath… :oops: I know Adamus Saint Germain has an exercise in his Interdimensional Living Course to lie down and “smell” the different layers of consciousness in the carpet.  Yup, it’s all there – including new puppies! It doesn’t disappear and better to to become conscious and aware and not live in denial of what doo doo lies beneath…

So often in life we “decorate” and primp and paint over old layers of pain and crap that never gets examined. Kind of like putting pink icing on bullshit as the expression goes for “positive thinking”. Not that we have to “process’ for years. Just recognize, acknowledge and allow it to surface and release with love and compassion.

So yes, with home renovations you can pay professionals  to do the work… But  when it comes to that interior reno for yourself there is nobody home but you!  And you ARE a the Master Carpenter in your own life!   ;-)

Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.“ ~ Hans Christian Anderson

 

Do you remember the fairy tale by Hans Christian Anderson called The Princess and the Pea? It was a story about a Prince looking to marry a real Princess. And the way he was able to tell was that only a real Princess would be able to feel a pea sleeping on twenty mattresses! She was kept awake all night and woke up bruised!

Years ago, while facilitating A Course in Miracles study group, one of the members reminded us of this story. As you start awakening and working on your self, it seems that you become more and more sensitive and feel stuff that you would have never noticed before… ignorance IS bliss!

This story comes to mind again for me lately. Ow, damn those peas! I think I’ve cleared and integrated and balanced old energy within me and along comes another “pea”  and it feels like a big bump under my skin… My big “aha” lately though is that it IS those areas of discomfort that are truly hiding the biggest gifts and energy release when I’m willing to truly look at them. Even when they hurt like hell!

While I like to think I’m a highly conscious, sensitive soul like the rest of you, I’ve become aware of areas of my life where I still have resistance! Some of these are simple stuff like cleaning my closet or fridge not to mention doing paperwork or filing! What I’ve been realizing though is that these areas I don’t want to look at, usually hold a huge amount of stuck energy. I know it’s a basic principle in Feng Shui, to clear clutter and you’ll release energy. (In coaching we use to say just go organize a drawer  if you want to move some energy!)

However, going even deeper into these areas of resistance and tasks I DO NOT WANT to tackle, I’ve recognized that it’s more about the “feeling” around the job. There’s a feeling buried in along with the email or file I don’t want to deal with.  These feelings can vary from feeling “stupid” about a poor choice (why DID I buy that) to a lousy business deal I lost money over the negotiation (SUCKER!)

It’s pretty typical I see in our society to avoid feeling bad in anyway. So we eat, watch TV, drink, shop and even work or work out to avoid “rolling in the deep”. We numb out, dumb out and check out…

These last few weeks I’ve come to realize that AS these feelings get triggered by an area of resistance, it is a blessed opportunity to dive right into the darkness and really, really feel it. Really feel shitty. Not run away. Stop. Feel. Breathe. Allow the feelings. Then the magic happens. As I breathe deeply I remember. I remember that there are no mistakes and I am not broken nor guilty nor fucked up. I am Powerful. I am God Also. I Am that I Am.

There’s pearls in them those peas. And peace.

Now where’s my  tiara?

The Wayseer Manifesto

 

Several months ago this You Tube video was being posted and shared on social media such as Facebook. I received it several times, like a tribal telegram being passed along! To date it’s been viewed over half a million times. Part rap and part rant, Garret John Loporto is a musician and visionary that is inspiring many with this creation and call to “The Way”.

I recently received this email from him and feel inspired to share with you here. Sometimes we all need a reminder!

Dear Tammie,

You are amazing. Many don’t get your Wayseer nature; 
but rest assured …

The Wayseer experience is no more than this:
A heroic soul born inhumanely open 
desperately yearning to express their truth.

To you … a touch is a blow, a slight is a persecution,  
a connection is an ecstasy, a friend is a devotion, a daydream is a 
premonition, strictness is suffocation, and completion is death.

Add to your brutally sensitive soul the overwhelming need to 
create, express, heal and transform  –  so that without the outpouring 
of honest truth, the creating of music or poetry or something of 
meaning your very breath is cut off …

You must create or disrupt – you must pour out your entire being
in each and every encounter. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency
you never feel truly alive unless you are risking everything to  
express a dangerous truth you know inside.

Thank you for having the courage to create… 
to transform… 
to be yourself unapologetically.

For without your courage the world darkens 
and suffers the absence of your light
and the rest of us Wayseers who are like you
would not have your courageous acts to lift us
and inspire our own.

Rise up,
Garret John LoPorto
from the Wayseer Manifesto

You could remain in these bodies indefinitely if you would allow your environment to continue to produce new, continuing, life-summoning desire. You could be one who opened your vortex to continually find new things to want, and those desires would continue to summon Life Force through you: you are living raucously, you are living joyously, you are living rambunctiously, you are living passionately… And then, from that same framework — you make a conscious decision to make your transition.  ~ Abraham

This is a funny time of year for me as the hot August days wind down and the cooler mornings and evenings slip in. The lake is calm but crowded as tourists cram in the last sweet days of holidays before school starts. I always think of this time as endings and the fall heralding a new year of learning and growth. Too many years working in the education system!

Three years ago on August 23rd, my husband of 19 years passed away at home after a 2 year dance with the Big C – cancer and consciousness.I held his hand and his heart as he took his last breath at 5:55 am. Someone told me that number represents “change”… An understatement!

So yes, a time of reflection for me of all the changes these past few years with many more waiting in the wings. An old friend recently asked me how I have changed since Dugg’s death and it caused me to pause and think about what has transpired…

While I didn’t think I had this “planned” or on my dance card, the experience has been powerful and profound. What I have learned is:

  • It is truly “not about me”. Death does bring out the worst in families and my husband’s family looked for a scapegoat to project their fears on – me. Members of my own family could not, would not visit or talk about it. As Richard Bach once wrote, “Your true family is the one you’re rarely born into.” I learned to say “fuck ‘em!” A lot.
  • I am alone but not lonely. I now have way more time to go within, less conversation, more insight. I’m quite happy being with my own company. I buy myself wine, flowers, chocolate. Go to events. Dress for myself. Travelled to France.
  • I am strong and capable. I can and have figured it out. Technology from computers to sprinkler systems to website design, all is possible to learn with a little help from manuals and Google. I can do it! If I have to. Even the French railway system… on strike!
  • Loving  and trusting mySelf. Despite all the outside opinion, judgement and flack, I know when to breathe, accept and integrate those feelings of self doubt, unworthiness. My darkness is my Divinity and  I welcome those aspects back. It’s an inside job.
  • It is as I’ve created it. So we didn’t have life insurance. Or mortgage.  Hindsight is 20/20. My husband was a self-employed designer most of his life and lived for the moment. We’ve had very little and I’ve had quite a lot.  No victims here. Again abundance comes from within and is a feeling not a number. It’s going to be okay Master Creator that I am!
  • Choose life. What do I choose to do? Where do I choose to live once my house sells?  What do I enjoy doing? I feel like I’m 22 rather than 52 with a canvas of bright possibilities. A different city. Europe? My husband would never have left this house, this country. Getting ready to let it all go… New adventures await!
  • When in doubt, breathe! 
  • All IS well.

Stay Tuned!

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